My First Day at School

I like to think that if I had met either of my grandfathers they would have been the kind of people to give me sagely advice and tell me how the world used to be in such a way that I could see it properly for what it is now, and how it may look tomorrow. This all stems from my getting up this morning with a quasi queasy stomach. I had the impression in my mind that some wise person had once said to me, “There are 3 worries in life, matters of the heart, matters of the head and matters of the stomach.” I had decided that this was definitely a matter of the stomach, rather than nerves about my going to start learning Japanese properly today.

Anyway. I had to be at the GEOS building, not far from here, by 9:30AM. I left at 8:30 and I admit that I meant to leave earlier, but matters of the stomach prevailed. This was the first time I had caught a subway train that early in the day and it was the most crowded I have yet seen in Japan. Those expecting me to say that it was utterly crowded and had people pushing extra passengers on to the train will be disappointed. It was busy, I had to stand with compressed aura for a time but I have been in worse on the Tube. However, I did start feeling a bit sick and even a little faint.

Absolutely everyone else on the train was in a suit, some of them wearing those masks people wore when SARS was around, but they are wearing them now because of pollution. I looked up and down the train and realised that I was doing the wrong thing. I was standing by a window but I had my back to it. Everyone else standing was facing their nearest window completely perpendicular as if standing to attention. I quickly followed suit. I found escape in closing my eyes, which is what many of the Japanese people were also doing. I opened my eyes when we were flying over the river, I saw a man fishing and people walking or cycling along the banks and I felt envy. I think this is how you are supposed to feel.

The train kept stopping, not just at each station but between them as well and it was very frustrating as the day was growing later and so was I. But at 9:28, or so, I arrived at Kudanshita station and got off the train, struggled to find Exit 5, did, ran up the steps, surfaced, took out my map and was immediately lost.

For the second time here I was a confused foreigner and for the umpteenth time a friendly native came to help me. He was a Japanese businessman, he looked at my map puzzled but recognised the name of the building and indicated for me to follow him. He walked aggravatingly slowly. I tried to converse by telling him that I only understood a little Japanese and he made a noise as if to say “Oh, I know.”

The entrance to GEOS is next to a coffee shop and after showing me the way my Japanese guide asked me if I wanted some coffee with him. I pointed at my watch and tried to say that I didn’t have time but thanked him profusely. It was very friendly of him. I know what you are thinking, that there could have been a suspicious nature to the invitation but I am choosing not to believe that, though I am of course aware of the interpretation.

I ran inside the building, looked at the wall chart saw I was meant to be on the 3^rd floor. A janitor looked at me and held up 3 fingers (not an insult) and I said yes and thank you, he smiled, I smiled. Up the stairs I found the office, it was very small. The first thing I saw was a sign saying that only Japanese was allowed to be spoken, not a good sign. Next a Japanese woman who I am sure speaks perfect English indicated a room for me to go in to take the test. The room I approached was the wrong room and she quickly corrected me. I opened the door and entered a room full of white people, I sat down in a free seat and was handed a test to write my name on the front of. It had not started yet so everything was fine.

Getting tested on the first day seems rather cruel but their idea is to use it to decide which class to put you in. I had applied for the Japanese conversation class but I assume there are different levels you can begin at. The procedure was test, interview and finally an orientation talk. The test began, the sensei said “The first 6 questions are dictation, please write the word I am saying in hiragana.” Now I don’t know about you but I have almost no knowledge of hiragana or katakana, I keep trying to learn it and maybe know five characters but that is all. After the six dictation questions we were free to finish the test. It was all in kana. I could not even read the question number let alone answer the question. The sensei said we had till 11 o clock, I was done already.

Fortunately I was not alone; the sensei saw lots of blank faces above blank pages. If we were done we could leave, lots of us left. Next it was the interview, and I think I have never failed an interview so quickly before. The woman sitting at the desk was friendly, that much I could tell. She asked me my name and I tried to reply. I think she asked me for my nationality and I again tried to reply. Then I think she asked me my age and I think I tried to reply. That was it.

I and five others had now found ourselves in a huddle of evictees. We were rejects falling into the lowest category, “Japanese zero” as they later called us when asking us back into the classroom. But it was only 9:45 and we had till 11 to entertain ourselves. I wore my Warwick hoody today and this was a talking point for a British girl called Sydney who was one of the group, “Did you go to Warwick?” she asked. “Yes,” I said, and that was that, conversation started. The others in the group were a dual nationality British/American guy called Ian, a Swiss (I think) guy called Sebastian, a girl called Matild and finally another girl called Rachel. We left the GEOS building and went to a coffee shop, incidentally not the same as my rejected businessman, but one across the street. And that ladies and gentlemen was the first time I ordered anything in Japanese. I ordered a coffee, the lady serving me said something, I said “yes” and then before I knew it I was 150yen down and one mug of coffee up. Success.

Gender segregation happens all the time, look out for it next time you go to the toilet. Our group magically split itself between males and females but we all talked to each other a bit. On returning to GEOS people sat where they had before and I realised I had previously been sitting next to Ian. But now on my other side was a girl who introduced herself as being from Iran, her follow up to that was “As in atomic bomb” with a big smile. That made my day J

So I start properly tomorrow, school runs from 9:10 in the morning to 12:40 in the afternoon, that’s 1:10AM till 4:40AM English time. I will be in the conversation class where we are only allowed to speak in Japanese. I have been given a little pack with information about living in Japan and some “Useful Japanese phrases” such as: “Call an ambulance!”, “Fire!”, “I see smoke”, “My neighbour’s house is on fire” and “_ is in pain!” Pessimism at its best.

There is also pictorial advice on how to excrete in Japan. See below.