Heading home

So I am going back home.

I came to Japan a year and 3 months ago. I came, I studied, I travelled, I taught. Now it is time for me to pack up and go back home.

But after a year and 3 months of living a different life for yourself it is quite hard to pack up and go back to the old one. For example, I have to quit my job, which is no mean feat. Then I have to move out, pack, send things home etc. I have to close my bank account and send that money back home too and my god this paragrapgh is just a to do list of woe and I should end it now.

My company says I have to give them 30 days notice, so I did. I emailed saying that I wanted to go home and so would like to leave my job, etc etc. Their reponse was unexpectedly 3D. When I got home that day there was a call from an American guy who works as a liason between the company and the Board of Education during the week.

He asked me if it was possible to meet up, and when he told me where he currently was it was hard to refuse. He had, perhaps a little presumptively, made his way to my subway station. I agreed to meet and made my way out, grabbing my contract on the way.

I was afraid that the company might have some loophole to stop me from quitting before the end of the contract, which would be April 2009. I walked and read but couldn't find anything they could hold against me, still it was best to make sure. He had said on the phone that he would be "The white guy" at the station and I replied, "I'll be the other white guy" which was not something I had ever said before.

I was expecting him to be a smooth talking guy who would take me to a coffee shop and say, "Have whatever you like, it's on the company's account." If I couldn't decide then he would buy me the finest coffee there was, which you might think to be a deep and rich coffee made from the rarest coffee beans from remote fields in Brazil guarded by an ancient tribe dedicated to the overpowering aroma of their beans. However, for me the greatest coffee would be one laced with whipped cream, caramel, a sprinkling of cinamon, a chocolate flake and a name so long that I wouldn't even bother trying to say it.

However, when we met he said "So why do you want to go back home?" We were standing on the street at that moment, he appeared to be sweating and I couldn't really hear him because of the traffic. "Umm, why don't we go to a coffee shop,' I suggested. He nodded and let me lead the way.

The nearest place was Doutour Coffee, the one I had been to with Philip over a year previously, and had not been back to since. I get a bit nervous ordering coffee even in the UK, I don't really drink it unless I need to stay awake for some purpose. I don't understand all the different variations, I just want to be able to say "coffee please" but that doesn't get you anywhere these days. I let him go in first and he ordered something in fast flowing fluent Japanese. It was my turn and I just pointed to a poster and said in Japanese, "small please". The guy behind the counter looked at the poster and pressed a button. He asked me a complicated question and gave me a worried look like he knew I wouldn't understand. Philip had told me before that the coffee shop didn't like foreigners, but then Philip was paranoid. My companion at the time translated for me, I don't remember what it was now, but I said "no."

We sat down and I got to tell my story. I knew that his job was to pursuade me not to leave, he was like a salesman selling possible futures. I was deliberately vague and told him that I had been having a growing feeling of wanting to go back home and of having been in Japan long enough. He offered the word "malaise" to describe this feeling towards Japan, which was a good word indeed.

He asked a few more fishing questions and I told him about how I had been treated during April, as in I was forgotten by the board of education and had to reapply for my job and got a lower salary in return. He listened and then began his pitch, which ended abount an hour later. Incidentally he lived in Mito (about 2 hours away) and was actually looking for someone to replace him.

I annoy sales people because I listen enthusiastically with nods and noises of understanding. I lure them into thinking I am really interested and convinced and then at the end when they finally ask me what I think, I say "no." I told him it was a good pitch, and it was. He had listened to my complaints and offered some solutions to give more support and ways to get more money, like private tuition. However, my answer was still no. I told him that there was nothing that he could say to change my mind, but I appreciated the effort.

According to him the Board of education does care about English teachers, and so does the company. This was the first sign I had seen of this and it was too little too late, I told him. He sighed and told me that he had to call his boss to let him know the outcome of our meeting. He got his phone out and dialed the number. He began talking in Japanese and then switched to English. The call ended abruptly and he looked at his phone in distress. "Is that it?" I asked, meaning had the call ended. He nodded. "I didn't hear a goodbye" I remarked. The guy said about the person he had just called, "He said, if you can't pursuade him (meaning me) to stay and we can't find anyone to replace him then you'll have to do it." He carried on looking distressed and then added dramatically, "I've got a wife and child in Mito but..." he shrugged.

His manner and the strangeness ofthe phonecall made me think that it had been an act. Then he started to stare into space with a profoundly worried look on his face. I felt a sense of guilt rising in my stomach and then I thought that maybe that was what I was supposed to be feeling. Time passed and I couldn't stand the silence anymore. "I'm sorry, but this feels like an act" I told him honestly, "did you really make that call?" He looked surprised at the question, well accusation, he showed me the call history on his phone which said a number had been called just a minute ago. I appologised for not beleiving him and he continued to stare into space. I spent the time stirring my ice coffee, which by then was just ice.

The meeting improved after that. We talked about other things and he mentioned that he had family in Bognor Regis. He also mentioned how much he liked football and had recently wanted to support Bognor FC. He had found the website and asked a question in the forum about whether they could send merchandise to Japan. A day later or so they posted on the site that the team had dispanded and would be replaced by amateur players. He told this in an amused way; that kind of thing never happens to big teams, they just win or lose, but a dispansion is far more dramatic.

When we parted I told him that I had appreciated his attempt at getting me to stay, it was nice to be recognised by the company and Board of education. He said that we would meet again as his bosses would want him to continue trying to convince me.

Skip to our next meeting and he did his pitch again but my answer was the same. He sat back and sighed and said, "Ok then, tell me about your family, I want to know" as if saying, "Alright then so who are these people who are so great you want to run back home to them." He asked me about my friends too and the things I do with them, then he smoothly incorporated my responses into his pitch.

Then we talked about religion, movies and actors. He used to do some work as an extra in Hollywood and has met an impressive amount of big name actors. As we moved away from work stuff I realised that he was actually a really interesting guy and we agreed to meet again soon. He confessed that since he is just down near Tokyo during the week he doesn't really know that many people.

It feels a bit like enemies becoming friends, not that we were enemies, just had opposing wishes.

So the first stage is complete, but there is so much more to be done.