Umbrellas

The first time I went outside in the rain in Japan I was stunned at how Everyone has an umbrella. Personally, I never used an umbrella while I was in the UK (22 out of the 23 years of my life) for two reasons. The first is because it didn’t seem socially acceptable for young males to carry brollies. We are supposed to be hardy and not care about our appearance in that masculine kind of Don’t-be-at-all-feminine way, despite using water-soluble hair products. The second reason is because it rains everyday anyway so in the end you stop thinking of it as, “rain” and instead just as, “life” and there is no umbrella to protect you from that.

However, in Japan if you are a human being outside whilst it is raining then by law you should have an umbrella. It is not a written law but an obvious one nevertheless because not having an umbrella can actually be quite a hazard. Imagine the scene, a busy crossing intersection in downtown Tokyo, massive numbers of people build up on either side ready to cross the road. When they do cross both groups compete for the same bit of striped road and have to pass through each other as seamlessly as possible. On a rainy day these people are more like armies of umbrellas that hit and scrape against each other as they pass. Umbrellas don't just protect you from the rain, they actually protect you from everybody else's umbrellas which otherwise you have to duck and weave under.

The standard umbrella in Japan looks like this.

Available from about 50p, it has a white plastic handle but the actual cover is see-through. This design is ideal for letting you see the people you are about to collide with and the poles and walls you should avoid.

The problem with everyone having this standard umbrella is that frequently people will just pick yours up and take it when you leave it in the stands outside shops and restaurants on a rainy day. It seems to be acceptable in Japan to see life as an umbrella swap shop and I have done this myself with the massive array of umbrellas standing by the door of my guesthouse. I once took an umbrella only for someone else to take it from me later that day when I was in a café.

However, you can protect your umbrella in a very easy and animalistic way, you just have to mark your territory. Any permanent mark will do, it can be your name written on the cover of the umbrella or something more abstract. This is mine.

As you can see it is a happy fish. The choice of a happy fish has no meaning or relevance to me but its simple smiling face protects my umbrella indefinitely. I can safely leave it outside shops and cafes or with all the others in my guesthouse certain that it will be there waiting for me when I need it next. If I leave it on a train no one will take it, the guard will hand it in to the lost property office at the end of the day, and from there it will be sent to the main lost property centre in Tokyo. Since my umbrella will have a distinguishable mark they will not sell it on through private auction after two weeks with all the other white, see-through umbrellas. Instead they will keep it for up to six months and if I go to collect it and say I am looking for the umbrella with the happy fish on it they will say, “Ohhhh, so you’re the one!” Within seconds they will dig it out from the hundreds of thousands of other umbrellas and will tell me, “We’ve been wondering who owns this, we even had a sweepstake, are you by chance a retired cartographer?” or something.

So there you have it, a happy fish keeps me dry.